Tuesday, October 12, 2010

My World Is Collapsing

Some days my world within seems collapsing... or near collapsed

Sometimes I have this helpless feeling that the world around me moves ahead of me and I am totally lost
Sometimes I feel that I have not done enough, within my capability, to stretch my ability and to reach out
At times, I feel like a sitting duck and a lost soul in a compass-less boat, floating in the high seas

Have the world at large walked out on me? Probably not
Have I lost my head and loss my way that I feel like a stranger in the land? Maybe
Or did I get lost in the wilderness in my determination to trudge ahead? Probably

My knowledge is too shallow compared to the learned
My wealth, if any, is too little to sit back and relax
I am definitely not a fish in a pond; just a fry trying to survive the muddy water - more mud than water

The environment is hostile and unforgiving
The pressure is intense and fanning
I am like a frog in boiling water. If I jump, I may jump into the fire but to remain is certain death  

When friends walked away and the challenges look insurmountable
When fire rages beneath the feet and floodwater is rising
 Apocalypse? Armageddon? Death in seconds? Maybe or maybe not

From time to time I walked into the wall
A wall of silence, rejection, isolation, 'no-return', hopelessness...when the only, and best release, is death or to depart from this humanly world
I found HOPE... and survived

But, maybe...
With my Will shattered and my Soul almost defeated, I breathe in new life
I am born again ... my pretense and deception at death's corridors allow a new lease of life with old baggages

Many a times, I have been tested and pushed to the extremes aka cliffhangers
By my own doing or forces beyond my control, I do not know
In my/any collapsed world, being smart is useless; nobody can outsmart the unknown

I can only summarise my return to one word "LUCK" 

I have to be Lucky, now and always, to survive every trying moments; the unknowns
The great escapes, the near death challenges, the successes, the deft hands...
It boils down to "LUCK"

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