I Am Defeated

the art of waiting ...

Many masters tell me that we 'Can Do', 'Refuse' or simply 'Do Nothing'
Deciding to do (yes) or not to do (no) is simple but simply 'do nothing' is really Zen
I am suffering from 'Do Nothing'; a pressure greater than a 'Yes' or 'No'
Inaction is really Zen-in-motion

I have worked very hard
I have explored every creeks and corners; even an iota of possibility
I took, and take, defeat well
But, doing nothing is a torture

What is 'strike when the iron is hot' in the cold winter
What is 'make hay when the sun shines' when there are no grass
Time and tides wait for no man
For every inaction, I am walking towards the end of time

Failures and setbacks are painful and costly
Not trying and quitting is the toughest ~ the inaction
Is it fear or is it timing when we enter the 'inaction' zone
Or, is it simply idleness

Just as we are told to do good and only to be punished and betrayed
Is this call Karma; that which will befall them sometime in the future but which i pay for now
Why should his future Karma be experimented on me? Some called this my experiences
I wished my journey is smooth sailing and i can learn experiences from books

Is there an Arbiter or a God? 

I can only say I have done too well ahead of my time and I'm penalised with inaction to bide my time
This is not being arrogant nor proud; this is solace for a lost soul
I have tried everything possible to discover and apply my innate talent but was humbled with defeats
Is it the time is not ripe or the timing is round the corner

I am baffled
I have lost faiths
I am a lost soul
Until the next success, I am checkmated into INACTION 

Will someone untie my knots

March : The Marching of Time

time & tides wait for no man...

Time flies; I know this well for a good 50+ years
Every 10 years life changes ~ physically, mentally, financially & unknowingly
Many say it's "Fate" while some attest to God's will

If Fate serves a hand of cards, it "Us" who decide the play
Until now, nobody has seen God whatever your beliefs
Between life & death, you can plot your own preferred journey

You can be the worst known to mankind or be the best in your chosen path
But, no man's an island
We swim against the Power of the Universe & live by the Law of Nature

What have you achieved & what were your (new) resolutions? It's two months since
If you have not started, you are not alone
If you have move far ahead, it's comforting

March! We are all marching towards the end in time; our own time
Tomorrow is never promised
Today's the best

Stay healthy, be happy
The world is yours to conquer
In 50+ years, I have my fair share of failures & victories

But, I have yet to know & truly achieved what I wanted
What I want is an "ideal" & ideal, like the horizon, changes as you get nearer
Fret not! Our mind is highly adaptable

Nothing is normal. What the mind can think, you can achieve

I believe so ...the world's a stage & it's for you to determine your stage-size

The Sum of The Budget is lesser than the Handouts

it was budget time

The budget stabbed everyone at opening with a s$0.20 tax on per liter of petrol. This translate into increased costs as oil, the grease of transportation of goods & services, is the main driver; nevermind if you do not own cars.

It's naive to think that diesel prices are not affected. Your utility bills will hound you sooner than you blink...

Those other handouts are goodies but unless you need it, you do not get to enjoy them, like skills assistance & upgrading funds, amounts set aside & into the CPF accounts will be locked in longer hence stifling the multiplier and rebates for GST, utility, road tax and..are heard but seldom received by many!

Thank God for small mercy; surely, whatever allowances do help. But, in the first place, nobody ask for ERPs, COEs & GST.

Can you cure deflation by injecting cost-push inflation (petrol tax)?

The problems are today's politicians are invited & most are administrators, parachuted into prized positions with luxurious remuneration. They are there not because they are fighting or championing for a cause. Fresh from the press was when Minister Chan CS said at the REDA function that "comingling the poor (poorer strata) within the city area (Pinnacle was used as an example)...does not help ...". If this was so (gospel truth), Marine Parade wouldn't have existed with HDBs!

The rich cannot live in a 'sea of poor'. How do you break the culture of the caste or feudal system if you do not have the political will to do so?

Speeches/phrases like "you don't get dengue if mosquitoes don't bite you", "keep fit & don't fall ill to reduce medical costs", "increase fares if you want better services", "it's affordable..." & "......" shows the gross disconnect between the Servants & Masters, the reality & myths and the indifference to the loud distress screams of the commoners.

The budget looks good on the surface but more could & should be done to alleviate the high costs of living, the declining to stagnant wages and to mend the broken dreams of the commoners.

Am I complaining? NO.

I may be the lonely voice (speaking out for the commoners) but if I dont, who will?

Anomaly of Life

life is like water ...

Nobody knows what's coming or going nor what's install for them
The moment of truth is an illusion until whatever crystalises
There's so much hypocricy, pretension and fakeness
When the person needs your help, assistance and sympathy
There's no limit as to how far and how low they will bend to get you 'hooked'

When returns are due, the truth abounds
Delays are fine but outright denial and shifting of responsibility surface
To help or not to help is always an abstract as the reward is an equal return but the damage is when everything disappear; debts and person
I learnt the hard way; if you do not help nor lend, you loss a friend but if you helped and lent, chances are, you loss both the money and the friend

Someone reminds me that if you help a bad guy, you actually help him hurt more good guys when he is rejeuvenated, recharged and returned

This world is getting more selfish
People are prepared to sacrifice and cheat others for a penny more
Those who made it are more prepared to dump, slain and kill in the flip of a pence
Their newfound victory are jealously guarded
Moral rights and friendships are relegated and ignored

To win is everything ~ Winner takes All

I have discovered the hard way: that I can be sacrificed by anyone and walking over my dead body is a norm
I have to beg for restitution, repayment and reconciliation
What's the value of helping others? There is zero reward and 100% possibility of carrying the burden
Who will emphatise with me? I am alone in this lane, carrying the burden of good intent
I hear that the good will be rewarded but, alas, I am hanging by a thread

Guess, only the AlMighty God will be able to rescue me from this rut where helping others at your own risk is a new normal. 

I am stressed out ~ near collapsing

Stock Markets & The Economies

What goes up must come down but what goes down may stay down for a longer period...

As at closed 16 Oct 2014:                                             As at 31/10/2014, markets closed:

ST -44.5 (3154)                                                               Sti + 39 (3274)
N225 -335 (14738)                                                          N225 +755 (16413)
KLCI -19 (1767)                                                               Klci +12 (1855)
HSI -239 (22900)                                                             Hsi +296 (23998)
JKT -11 (4951)                                                                 Jc I +30 (5089)
DJIA -48 (16093* trading in progress)                              DJIA +195 (17390)
S&P -5 (1856 *)                                                                S&P +23 (2018)
Nasdaq -23 (4190*)                                                          Nasdaq +64 (4630)


The stock markets have been experiencing volatile trading for a spectrum of reasons; weakening oil prices, weak retail prices (US), weak figures from China, Swiss franc abandons euro cap, Russian adventures, ISIS, cessation of QEs' ...whatever!

Today's Index (4 Feb 2015)
ST                    3415
N225               17,678
KLCI               1803
HSI                  24,656
JKT                 5304
DJIA               17,666
S&P                 2050
Nasdaq             4727

Generally, do expect the (various) stock markets to perform well in 1Q into 2Q and we should be expecting the upswing to happen anytime soon. Called it the Capricon Effect or whatever; the deliberate weakening of currencies by a few countries is a clear sign 'monies must go somewhere'!

I am not surprised to see market dropping heavily into/around end3Q to early4Q after topping up (on the charts). The last Qtr 2015 will be very challenging!

Watch and trade with care.

I Need A Reminder

how patient can a person be...

The priests, the masters and many others preached patience
Many say 'whatever is yours, shall be yours'
We are reminded to work hard, think through the plot and we will succeed
We are supposed to be helpful, sacrifice short term pains for long term gains
There is a belief to live selflessly, care and share with the less fortunate

But...

Are you really patient or 'resigned to fate' when everything you try and seek are simply illusive
Or, maybe, these are not the things that you are pursuing and want
Patience or 'good to have but it's fine if it comes...otherwise, it;s fine too'
If I 'borrow' to help another or lend my name to do so and the borrower fails, I am on the chopping board; does the borrower really cares about me that I am in 'deep shit' because of being helpful
How long can I last to carry this burden? The burden of 'being helpful'

I am hopelessly weak with the weight on my shoulder
The weight of 'helping others'; the caregiver often dies before the patients
What a perfect analogy ~ that reality is cruel
I was, and is, a struggling 'incurable positives' quite unlike the past
2014 was indeed my Waterloo

I am looking to burrow into the ground to hibernate; to hide away from reality

For once, I am a defeated Soul
I need more than a reminder to return
A broken Soul is more than a broken man
I have lost faith on the AlMighty; sad but real

As at now, I am a rudderless boat riding into the 'eye of the storm'
For once again, I may not make it

I guess, GOD is late...terribly late this time

I also humbly realise and accept that I am just as human as anyone

2015 ~ A Quiet Opening

the draft of winds blew lazily over the horizon ...


This is the slowest opening of any years I have known to date; at least, for me
There was no hopeful tie-ups or businesses line up
Just ready to drift...
Sending the old, un-done and uncompleted businesses forward
The future is uncertain

If wealth is an indicator of happiness, I should easily score 6.5/10
Not rich, neither very poor; just enough to drift through like the draft of wind

I am a fairly contented person, cheering and motivating others
Helping the less fortunate and speaking out against repression and bullying
But, with this, I am 'flooded' with the many 'take for granted' people
Yes, I do it voluntarily and without seeking any returns
Guess, sometimes...today maybe the some time, my chips & biorhythm are low

I am as frail and weak as anyone
Maybe, internally; brittle to the point of cracking

Some days are drag but most are normal
Unfortunately, I discover I have new normal
The new normal is to be as cool, calm and lifeless (not reacting until surer)
But, after many, many years as a proactive person, this becomes a tall challenge
It's like the Great Lord is commanding me to slow down...

I don't fly like an eagle because I have been surrounded by ostriches
Overtime, I blend into their environment but I can't run as fast

The imposition of almost an almost perfect halt by the Higher One is killing
I have been on the ready everyday, especially getting things done almost immediately
No 'Ifs', no 'Buts'
Well, guess, this is a reminder that we are all running towards the end of life
Relax...relax; reflect and recharge ~ it's a journey

I will fly & fly high soon & soar into victory
The quiet opening of 2015 applies to ALL, not just me

God willing, I will succeed

20142015 ~ The Singapore Code

The year of disconnect, denial & challenges...

Our 3-roomed sunny island has lost her smiles
There's a disconnect between the Govt & the commoners

Disconnect Or Class-divide?

- more foreigners is better
If aging population is a problem, then all foreigners must have 'shelf-life', that is, Sg welcomes those suitably qualified on a 3 (cycles) x 5years stay, with a cap at age 45. Everyone who rejects a citizenship when offered will be repatriated.

- foreigners can volunteer for Volunteer force without obligations
Why must citizens serve NS compulsorily whereas foreigners/PRs have a choice? What's the rationale that our boys be famished whilst foreigners steal meals & feast?

- there are enough assistance as there are no 'dead' poor
Do you need to be dead before dropping poor? The rise in soup-kitchen attendances speak volumes

- you want better services, pay more
If paying is the only solution, you don't need highly paid scholarsto draft, & highest paid Ministers to approve, policies.

- more jobs are created but more foreigners are employed & the numbers of PMETs Unemployment
rises parallelly
Sg'reans voted & selected their Rep only to benefit foreigners; do they know which side of their bread is buttered?

- medicals & medicine are available if you I) have money or II)join the queue with a new class hospital beds ~ C-minus class (corridor-class)
How did we end up with insufficient locally trained doctors & medical auxiliaries, beds & facilities despite adding a couple of new hospitals? Were more space apportioned to fee-paying patients?

- the elected-Rep needs to seek approval from an appointed person
This is slippery; what if an evil-raider takes over?

- rat infestation is due to feeders & strays
Shouldn't the feedback & public-spiritedness be complimented instead of witchhunting & finger pointing.

- overpriced stadium came incomplete & leaks
This takes the cake; >$1mil (a few $million) spent on grass, lighting & replanting, not to mention the leaking roofs.

- almost everything is affordable
The word 'Affordable', like FTs & terrorists, is so loosely used that it losses its meaning.

- it's not the G's job to love  Sg'reans
Perhaps, only Einstein can decipher How she was chosen & got into parliament! Was she voted in by foreigners?

This the last page on the last day of 2014; long after many of us are gone, Singapore will still be around. But, if we persist to build a Class-divide, like olden days India, Society will implodes & level down.

I believe SINGAPOREans will unite to undo this disequilibrium & inequity.

There's enough time for the incumbents & every concerned citizens to erase the crack lines. Let's start with 2015.

A Year Of Surprises

the four seasons start with Spring - Summer -Autumn - Winter ..

With another week to go 2014 shall disappear and in comes 2015

What are the norms and new-normal?

Amazingly, self-denial, denying and reflecting is a new norm with some anomalies;

* more jobs were created but more Singaporeans loss their jobs with even more foreigners employed
* bus operators who arrive on time were rewarded; isn't they suppose to be on time?
* there is a possibility of raising bus fares despite the two transport Cos making handsome profits
* elected-MP needs to seek approval from un-elected officials
* rat infestation became a witch-hunting experience
* Singaporeans first (priority) is said to be bad for Singaporeans; it's good for Trojan Horse
* someday you may return to your HDB home and many unknown workers are doing repair works in your house
* actions cannot be taken nor rectification done until, and unless (haha), the e-media blasts them over the net
* ...the list goes on

However, many are still complaining and continues complaining only; the 60+%.
Complaining is also a new-normal.

Going forward Singapore will be celebrating SG50 but with more foreigners arriving, will Singaporeans meet diaspora and seek new land? Impossible?

Well, kindergarten kids here sing Mao's China liberation songs & the Pinoys wanted to celebrate their own national day in public places.

Foreigners bring new experiences to Singaporeans too; The Little India Riot was executed by South Asians while the PRC bus drivers went on strike. What you cannot do or dare not do is 'a cup of tea for the foreigners'!

Interestingly, members have their privileges.

NTUC's  Warehouse Club~megastore only entertains members
I fear that someday, only members and supporters of the ruling party that NTUC supports can shop at NTUC fairprice, megastores & whatever. I meant, it could be any Party!!!

Of late, there seem to be more academics and thinktanks writing articles and publishing research findings/outcomes to support mainstream suppositions like Singaporeans are happier, more jobs available but Singaporeans are choosy or not relevantly qualified, things are (very) affordable and that Singapore is indeed not the most expensive place to stay.

I pray all the good things and events are true, the others are merely bad dreams. Hopefully, the seasons keep changing and we are not stalled at the coldest not the warmest moment. The reality is always harsh...

I also pray that if the wide income gap cannot be closed, then it's fine to level down! My Christmas & 2015  wish is sealed.

Think The Unthinkable

it is the last page of the Calender, 1st December...

Time flies but it has often been consistent; no faster nor slower
When you are happy or occupied, time flies
In time of sadness and crisis, time crawls
I never feel I was ever growing old but I am still walking towards the end like everyone else
Age is only a digit & most of us are double-digits

Climb the highest mountain
Swim the deepest ocean
Walk to the Poles
Dive from the highest point
Dare To Be Different

I just met a friend, an ex-Accountant, coming 50 years of age
He had given up his job, married & settled down with a 3 year old kid
He is spending more time with his family and keeping as fit as possible (he said he  overcame his health challenges)
Why do most people spend their youth making money and use money earned to restore health? Sadly true

Another new friend, also about 50 years old, of mine just jolly accepted that he had lost his wife to cancer two years ago; he's at peace

The last person that I wanted to mention was a scholarly friend of mine into his late 20s, armed with an MBA and a smart talker; he left the country quietly and unceremoniously. Only he knows what has driven him to leave...

When the last page of the calender arrives, it's like the last few breathes; looking back to see what was not achieved and done

Think the Unthinkable and conquer the supposedly Impossible but never, never risk your life & the lives of your immediate loved ones

Decide NOW

Never to look back again
Do whatever you wanna dream & do
No one can make you a slave nor steals your dreams
Think out of the box, tear the box apart, redraw the box...

What the mind can think, it can achieve

The world is yours to conquer

Waiting

time and tides wait for no man...

I waited, waited and waited
Not because I want to wait but I had put in so much effort, money, heart and soul only to be defeated again, again & again
Many said 'you are smart' but smartness alone do not bear positive results
Hardworkingness is my denominator

This is a real world; until & unless, I make a/any breakthrough, I am, but, a clouded star

Everytime I rush madly into possibilities
I ride the waves only to sail into the eye of the storm
I end up wasting time, money & gain frustration
Today, I am almost a spent force; licking my wound, nursing my bruise ego & struggling to uphold and raise my battered spirit

There is time to rejoice and, at this very moment, retreating & hibernating is my preferred choice

Why? Why didn't I succeed with big victories but gain only small 'skirmishes'? Guess, this is survival
The little gains are to keep me alive
Patient, cool, calm, calculating ...then pounce when opportunity presents
Sounded great on paper but this waiting is torturing

Many say it's darkest before brightness returns

I have no lack of opportunities nor chances
Just that it's getting costlier over time; spending and drawing on reserves
As my savings thin out, pressures built up
There is an immediate need to break the drought - the drought of successes

If tomorrow comes & the drought ameliorates, my star shall shines again like the Polaris 

I am still waiting...